1. When you ask me to go shopping with you I get confused. Shopping is not a recreational activity, it's a boring necessity.
You mean you WANT to spend your entire day on your feet, under bright lights, trying on clothes?
2. Why is getting a manicure any better than just doing my own nails?
3. I don't understand what you mean when you ask me how I'm going to wear my hair to an event.
4. Do I have to wear heels to that wedding?
We all know how this will end...
5. Why would I want to watch a chick flick when I already know how it's going to end?
6. If I drink my coffee without any flavoring or syrup does that make me less of a woman?
7. And what about if I drink a beer instead of a cocktail?
8. I started wearing makeup in my 20s, please don't ask me if you've nailed your eyeliner.
9. Why are you all ordering salad?
I'll have a burger!
10. I cannot help you analyze his text messages. He probably meant exactly what he said.
11. No, I will not follow your fitspiration board on Pinterest.
12. And I don't care about the designer yoga pants you wear when you run. I like my basketball shorts just fine.
13. I never watched "Sex and the City" so I don't know if he's "such a Big."
But if that's a good thing, I'm sure he is.
14. How many pairs of bikinis do you need to bring with you for a weekend?
15. And seriously, how are you packing SO MUCH for such a short trip?
16. What are all these mysterious products that you put in your hair? What do they do?
Teach me your ways!
17. Please don't ask me which necklace "goes" with your outfit. I literally have no opinion.
In general, sending me selfies to get feedback on your outfits is not a good idea.
18. A day at the spa doesn't sound relaxing. It sounds like I'm going to pay a lot of money to have strangers poke my body and assault my face.
19. I totally love Tina Fey too, I just wouldn't call it a "girl crush."
I just think she's a goddess that we should all worship.
20. No, I don't want to see everything you bought over the weekend.
21. That dress doesn't make you look fat, your hair isn't frizzy, and your earrings totally match your outfit. Can we go now?
22. Why do you want me to go to the bathroom with you?
23. Even though I make fun of you for your girly ways, I love you all!
Thank you for making sure I look good on dates, for teaching me how to wear makeup, and for enriching my life in every possible way!