Um, could you not?
"You look really tired."
No woman on the planet ever wants to hear this! Even if it's true, don't say it!
"Relax, you’re overreacting."
You haven't seen overreacting!
"Is it that time of the month?"
Your period jokes aren't funny. Period.
"Have you gained weight?"
No. Just, no.
"You remind me so much of my ex."
Did you just compare me to the psychopath you broke up with?
"Are you pregnant?"
Unless a woman explicitly tells you she is pregnant, never EVER assume!
"Are you sure you want to eat that?"
Are you trying to get yourself killed?
"You’re acting just like your mother."
This one is a double whammy because you're insulting me AND my mother.
"You look cute...today."
So, I didn't look cute yesterday?
"It's not you, it's me."
Worst breakup line in history.
"You look fine."
I just spent 2 hours getting ready. That's all you have to say?
"You should be a plus sized model!"
Oh, gee thanks!
"Is that really what you’re wearing?"
Yes and it's fabulous!
"Did you finish/come/orgasm/climax?"
If you have to ask, the answer is no. And trust us, if we did, you would know.
Oh I'll show you crazy!
"Make me a sandwich."
You must have a death wish.
"Your best friend/sister/roommate is really hot."
Should I punch you in the face now or later?
"Stop being so emotional."
Telling us we're being emotional will likely make us even more emotional.
"Why are you being such a bitch?"
You're joking, right?
"Women can't drive."
Speaking of driving, you're driving me crazy!
"You're funny/smart/fast for a girl."
Was that supposed to be a compliment?